Hi, my name is Joshua Waters, and welcome to joshsmusings.com. Today I will be sharing some thoughts with you, on the subject of surrendering to God, and the struggles I face with it in my own life. Please read till the end as I have some interesting things to share with you on the purpose for these writings/musings.
Success/Money Won’t Solve Your Problems
This is a lesson I have been learning the hard way lately. I have been working hard and finding success in my business. I am getting busier and busier, earning more and more money, getting more and more overwhelmed, and less and less happy. I am not making time for God, I am trying to control everything myself, and I am just not in the best spot. Two days ago I had some of the most productive, best days I have had in a long time. I got so much work done, I enjoyed myself, and just felt so positive about everything. Like I finally knew I was going to make this work. My businesses were going to work out. I was going to be all right. I will be able to make a living doing what I love, I can figure out the techniques I need to know and I have solidified myself as a very skilled craftsman, and many, many people love my work. I am growing more and more, and getting bigger and bigger orders, getting paid more, getting more skilled every day, getting faster and more efficient every day. And I was just feeling super positive. Well, all of that changed today. I got some bad feedback from a client, which was partially true and it really hurt. (The extent to which this feedback hurt me is pretty indicative of the place I am in, and the problem with trying to do everything under my own power.) I just haven’t been able to keep up, sometimes physically I can handle everything, but not emotionally or mentally. I start breaking down under the pressure and responsibility, or I become unable to make decisions, languishing in my indecisiveness, and end up wasting the whole day like I did today. And honestly, it all goes back to the fact that money and success can’t solve your problems.
Running Away From Your Problems
Sometimes I run away from my problems, And often I run to work to satisfy me, to give me that successful feeling that I so desire, to feel needed and important when I get good reviews, and positive feedback. And I am just realizing more and more that I use work as an escape. I don’t want to think about my problems, I don’t want to surrender my life to God, I want to do it all myself, and I want to succeed myself. But I am a broken individual. I have faults, I try and try and try and yet I still cannot overcome my shortcomings. I try and try and try and still cannot break my bad habits. I try and try and try and yet I am still not the person I want to be. And so I come back to the conclusion that I am incapable of living this life the way I was meant to live it without God. Without a savior and redeemer, and guide and deliverer, I am helpless and doomed to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Lesson In Humility
I think God put me in exactly this situation to humble me (probably because I asked for humility). This seems to happen fairly regularly with me. I guess I need to be reminded pretty often of how powerless I really am in this world. He constantly puts me in situations that I just cannot control, and where I am out of my league. Most of the work I do is very difficult for me. Writing, speaking, leading and making decisions were never my strengths when I was young, in fact, I often considered them my greatest weaknesses. And yet those are exactly the things I have felt called to do. And I think that is for a purpose. I think I have just been getting more and more stubborn over the years. I used to realize that He was putting me in these hard situations and be like wow, that makes total sense, you’re awesome God! And now I am like, why does it have to be like this. And I wallow in my own inability to do this on my own and yet keep trying and failing, refusing help from God or anyone else. Why am I this way? Why is surrender so hard? When will I ever learn that I cannot do all of this on my own strength? How is He going to take my stubbornness, my arrogance, and my constant need for success, and use it for good? I don’t know. All I know is He made me this way for a reason, and for a special purpose. I just hope I can learn to stop pushing Him away so one day I can find out the extent of His plan for me.
The Purpose For These Writings/Musings
I have been thinking lately that I might be giving people the wrong impression with these articles. And I want to explain to you the purpose of these writings to set that straight. You see, I consider these musings more than anything else (hence the website name). I normally write these when I am a little emotional, often late at night, and they are a sort of personal journal that allows me to release my feelings. It is something I have learned helps me to process my emotions. That is one purpose of this site. To muse, to ponder about the problems and intricacies of life, with the end goal of living life better! I write, not to get help for my problems (and I do have many), not to get people to feel sorry for me, not to declare to the world how humble and brave I am to be sharing the dark side of my life, not to share with you the exact thing that I am feeling every day. I write to express myself, I write to share a piece of myself that I very desperately want to share with people, but can’t, outside of written words. I write to process my feelings. And ultimately, I write to help others and to get others to think about these things in their own lives. So, when I write an emotional, or weighty article like this one, don’t worry about me. I might be down for a moment, but I always get back up. And chances are, writing that article and expressing that emotion is exactly what I needed to pick me up out of the hole I was in and put me back on the right path. I am not depressed, I am simply pondering the questions floating around in my mind. In general, I am a very thankful person. I love life and all of the opportunities I have in it. I am not an extremely joyful or innately happy person all the time, but I do enjoy life in my own way, and I do cherish life. I simply acknowledge that I am a broken individual, and through sharing these musings, I hope to reveal to others that everybody is going through something, nobody is perfect, and no one is alone in their struggles, because we all have them! Very soon, I will be writing a separate article explaining more about the person I am, and the purpose of my writings, if by chance you might be interested :).
That’s all I have for you today. Sorry I don’t have more answers for you, I’m still trying to figure it out myself. Hope you still found it thought-provoking or helpful in some way. Please leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section down below, share this with a friend who you think might be benefited by it, and consider subscribing to my newsletter below if you enjoyed this article and want to see more. There is a ton more to come so stay tuned!
Regardless of what you are going through today, remember, we all have our struggles, and you are not alone. So keep your chin up, think through it, ask for help, and go to God with it. You’ll get through this! Take care, God bless and have a great rest of your day.
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